Apologies

There are a lot of difficult and hard tasks in this life. Some require great physical effort, some emotional strength, and others sheer will power. But of all the things that we are faced with in life nothing is harder for me than apologies. This past Tuesday I yelled at a 5th grader in the Chick-fil-A “play area”. I use quotation marks on that because if you have ever been in the “play area” then you may think that it would be better described “toddler tackle zone”, or “children’s cage of chaos.” With that said, the 5th grader mentioned above became the target of my papa bear aggression when his feet, wearing shoes (which I might add shouldn’t be in the “play area”) came within millimeters of inadvertently injuring my tiny Tyce. Feelings were hurt and I suddenly found myself in an unwanted conversation with the 5th graders parents, who up until moments after my loudly expressed desire for their son to remove his shoes and watch out for the little kids, were peacefully relaxing at the other end of the building. As the accusations and “he said she said” began to fly, I found myself wanting to stand my ground and keep my pride. I had acted and my son was safe, deal with it.

But no. Deep within I felt the ever louder groan of my spirit at war. My soul knew I had wronged this kid by raising my voice and his parents were here to defend him. My felt identity began yelling back at me, I’m a counselor, a youth minister, I know better than this, but my flesh kept trying to justify my action. This tiny play room for kids was on a quick road to an adult battleground. And then, fully against my will, but fully in line with the truth I have been taught, out popped the words, I’m sorry. The humiliation, the weakness, the sheer embarrassment of uttering those words was excruciating. But in my heart I knew I was wrong and needed to apologize.

Every ounce of my being fights and struggles to keep the words “I’m sorry” from coming out of my mouth. My soul seeks to be right in all that I do, and the mere thought of admitting that I, Beau, am wrong sends my pride charging in with a forceful “NEVER”.

As a Christian, I constantly deal with the struggles of sin, but more so I struggle with confessing that I sinned to others and asking for forgiveness. Proverbs 8 says: “To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.” Proverbs 11 says “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. The integrity of the upright guides them”.

God doesn’t ask us for perfection, though we should strive not to sin. Our prideful pursuit of our own perfection inadvertently leads to the hypocritical label we are sometimes given by our non-believing fellow man. Instead, Jesus teaches us in the Sermon on the Mount that we are called to settle matters quickly with our accuser or we may end up in front of the judge and suffer greatly for our actions.

This week I will spend some time meditating on these words from 2 Corinthians 12: “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”


Other Posts You Might Like:

His Will or My Will? - Andres Badillo

My name is Ana! - Ana Rodriguez

Victory - Ross Thomson

The Pursuit of Happiness - Ross Thomson

Idiom - Beau Davis

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